To the woman He said, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”
A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.
I always thought I had a pretty good handle on the submissive wife thing. I had no problem allowing my husband to have the final say on the big things and trusting in his leadership according to how he thought God wanted us to proceed. We’d discuss our options, I’d let him know what my thoughts were, but then I’d give it to him and to God. No biggy.
But heaven help him if he loaded the dishwasher wrong, put a diaper on a way that I didn’t think was good enough, dressed one of our girls in yellow polka dots and pink stripes, etc. You get the idea; I like things at home done my way!
In the last week, as I read the chapter entitled “Managing Your Man” in Karen Ehman’s book “Let. It. Go.”, I’ve come to see little more clearly how I am falling into the curse of sin that God spoke to Eve in Genesis 3:16. I am desiring to control my husband. It’s a part of the curse that I had never looked at too closely.
Through Karen’s writing and my other bible study, “True Woman 101” by Mary Kassian and Nancy Leigh DeMoss, I’ve felt God reveal to me that the way I speak and correct what my husband does, is more like the disgraceful wife in Proverbs 12:4. And that is not what God created me, and women in general, for. He has called us to be soft, nuturing, relational, welcoming and helpful. These are strengths God has given to every woman.
God has designed women and men with different strengths. Women’s strengths are not more important than men’s strengths, and vice versa. God designed our strengths to compliment each other and together, display His glory in a marvelous and unique way. So this just means that if I stay within my own strengths and not try to take over ones that my husband has been given by God, we will accurately display His glory.
Easier said than done, right? Another aspect to my marriage that creates some unique challenges is that my husband and I are both firstborns. This generally means we like things done our way because we each think that we know best and are the most trusted person for the job. Can you say “Type A Personalities”? That’s us. So this is why when Karen Ehman says to me in the book that “backing off and and not controlling your husband will feel foreign”, I want to shout “Amen” because at least I’m not the only one that struggles with going again my natural tendencies! She also says that “the act of submitting is always a choice by and an action of the wife.” And praise the Lord that He gave me a husband that I’m not scared or afraid to submit to.
So today I’m starting fresh. Seeking to be a bit softer and a bit less obsessive over the little things that I think aren’t just the way they should be and focus on what God has given me. He has given me a man who willingly tries to comb a little girls hair and dresses her sister to help me not be so rushed getting out the door. He has given me a man who cooks supper if I’m too tired. He has given me a man who makes sure my vehicle runs, has the best tires and gas in the tank. He has given me a man who goes to work to provide for his family, works 12 hours and comes home to help me put two little girls to bed. He has given me a man that I have never doubted his love for me.
Thank God for the blessing of my husband and help me be the wife of noble character that is my husband’s crown. And thank you Karen Ehman for enlightening me with this quote: “You see, if I had a perfect husband who could meet my every need, I would have no need for God.”