Deceived Into Doubting

I have a confession to make. I doubt most people. I doubt the motive of strangers walking down the street. I doubt the government’s press releases. I doubt what the sales girl says about that pair of jeans I just showed her, so I have to send my girlfriend a picture while I’m in the change room. Am I the only one who has doubts like that? Probably not. But if I’m honest, the doubt I feel the most intense and the most often is doubt about myself. 
For a very long time I’ve struggled to feel like I mattered to those around me. I’ve had so many friendships over the years that were so one-sided that caused me to feel like I wasn’t important or worth being around. I would be the one seeking that friend out for coffee or movie or just simply a phone chat. 
I’ve also struggled with the doubt of my abilities. Although I would get that pat on the back or raise at work, I’d never feel like I had done enough or that I wasn’t quite good enough. Even to the point where things like my music awards or grades made me feel like I had fooled the teachers into thinking I was good, but lived in fear of them finding out what an imposter I was. 
But there is One that I’ve never been able to run from or hide from or fool…God. He knows me, the real me. He wants to be with me, talk to me and enjoy me. He has shown me what it’s like to be treasured and known so that I don’t have to pretend.
Psalm 139:1-3 says that, “You have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.” Just reading that gives me such a comforting feeling and a blaring reminder that all those labels of doubt that I’ve felt over the years are not how God sees me. As verse 14 of that same chapter says, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; you works are wonderful. I know that full well.”
I don’t always live as if I believe those truths of God’s word, but He continues to speak His love and affirmation into my life. And who am I to say to God that He is wrong or that He messed up when He made me, because I can’t. I can only focus on who He says I am, and pray that He penetrates my heart so that when I feel those old labels of doubt creeping back into my mind, His stamp of approval smashes them to pieces.
What labels are you struggling with? 

5 thoughts on “Deceived Into Doubting

  1. Hey Erin,
    As usual, you have spoken to my heart with your words! I felt like you were writing out my experiences, as you described one-sided relationships and the yearning for recognition for your work. I've been there again and again and I, too, have found comfort in the beautiful words of Psalm 139. God is an incredible Father, isn't He? He knows our every fiber, our every thought–both the beautiful and the ugly–and He still adores us.
    I have been struggling with “Not good enough” and I am learning about the beauty of truly and honestly being myself and discovering just how much God loves me “Just as I Am”.
    Thank you for your words of encouragement.
    Sandi Brewer, Proverbs 31 OBS Ministry Team

    Like

  2. Beautiful words Erin ❤ The blood of the Lamb covering me is a permanent label that will never wear off, Praise God! I am learning to abide in His Love, soaking in like a sponge, all He has to offer. Those labels from years ago are not only peeling away, but are healing through the soothing balm of my Papa's acceptance and love. Thank you for your beautiful words ❤ Dianna, Team WOW

    Like

  3. Erin,

    I struggle with not feeling good enoughs. I often feel that I am not a good enough wife, mother, teacher, friend…. Thank you for sharing Psalm 139 as I had not even thought of using this Scripture as a tool to combat my not good enoughs. 🙂 Your words always touch me because it is like you are speaking to me about me! Have a blessed day! Deje, One of your GAP Girls

    Like

  4. Oh Erin as I sit here reading this I am reminded BIG TIME that is a fault of mine I have been letting Satan let me overlook. Thanks for sharing today. So glad I stopped by. Love you sweet sister in Christ. Debbie W. (Proverbs 31 Ministry OBS Team)

    Like

  5. Wonderful thoughts. I love the visual of smashing our doubts to pieces with truth! I see glass shattering when you write that. I also have those doubts, that I am not good enough. Thank you for clear reminders that God says otherwise! You are a wonderful writer! 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s