I have a confession to make. I doubt most people. I doubt the motive of strangers walking down the street. I doubt the government’s press releases. I doubt what the sales girl says about that pair of jeans I just showed her, so I have to send my girlfriend a picture while I’m in the change room. Am I the only one who has doubts like that? Probably not. But if I’m honest, the doubt I feel the most intense and the most often is doubt about myself.
For a very long time I’ve struggled to feel like I mattered to those around me. I’ve had so many friendships over the years that were so one-sided that caused me to feel like I wasn’t important or worth being around. I would be the one seeking that friend out for coffee or movie or just simply a phone chat.
I’ve also struggled with the doubt of my abilities. Although I would get that pat on the back or raise at work, I’d never feel like I had done enough or that I wasn’t quite good enough. Even to the point where things like my music awards or grades made me feel like I had fooled the teachers into thinking I was good, but lived in fear of them finding out what an imposter I was.
But there is One that I’ve never been able to run from or hide from or fool…God. He knows me, the real me. He wants to be with me, talk to me and enjoy me. He has shown me what it’s like to be treasured and known so that I don’t have to pretend.
Psalm 139:1-3 says that, “You have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.” Just reading that gives me such a comforting feeling and a blaring reminder that all those labels of doubt that I’ve felt over the years are not how God sees me. As verse 14 of that same chapter says, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; you works are wonderful. I know that full well.”
I don’t always live as if I believe those truths of God’s word, but He continues to speak His love and affirmation into my life. And who am I to say to God that He is wrong or that He messed up when He made me, because I can’t. I can only focus on who He says I am, and pray that He penetrates my heart so that when I feel those old labels of doubt creeping back into my mind, His stamp of approval smashes them to pieces.
What labels are you struggling with?